Ask Carley

On theknot.com, if you are a member such as myself, there are questions you can ask Carley, the editor and chief of TheKnot! She helps you with subjects that range from bridesmaid catastrophes to standing up for your ideas!I will list a few of the questions and how Carley answer's them:

Q. Do bridesmaids have to pay for their own dresses?

A. Bridesmaids are generally expected to pay for their own wedding-day ensemble (shoes and jewelry included). If you're a maid and you think the cost is going to be an issue, voice your concerns to the bride. Hopefully she'll choose a dress that's reasonably priced, or consider letting you choose your own. She may give you some color/style requirements (e.g., black and ankle-length), and then each of you would choose something that suits your standards. That way, you decide how much to spend. If your financial situation is truly traumatizing you, just be upfront with the bride about what you can and cannot afford. Everyone has to be flexible.

Q.

With the exception of one girlfriend, all of my close friends are guys. What am I supposed to do about the bridal shower, the bachelorette party and, most importantly, the wedding party? Also, my fiance and I share many of the same friends, with only a few exceptions.

A.

If you're set on a bridal shower, perhaps your mother or another female relative can plan and host the party. (You may have heard that this is a no-no, but these days, it's no longer a faux pas for the bride's mom to throw the shower.) You might also consider a couple shower for you and your fiance -- you can invite all your male pals to that party. For your bachelorette party, why not just go out with your close girlfriend for dinner and drinks? As far as the wedding party goes, there's no rule that says the bride must have all female attendants -- or any females at all, for that matter! You can definitely choose male pals to stand up for you. If you and your groom share friends, decide between yourselves who will stand where. When you really think about it, all the attendants stand for both of you, right? Just make sure all the guys wear matching formalwear. The lesson here: You needn't follow rules that don't apply to you. When necessary, adapt them to suit your situation or just make your own.

Q.

I want to honor both my sister and best friend with the title of honor attendant. The problem is that they are both married, and I was always told you could not have two matrons of honor. What will wedding etiquette let me get away with?

A.

There's absolutely no reason you can't have two matrons of honor. Marital status makes no difference. If these are the two women you feel closest to and you want them by your side on your wedding day, then go for it. And, if you're uncomfortable referring to them as matrons of honor because you're concerned about what some guests will think, just call them honor attendants.